Mother's Day

My M-O-T-H-E-R

"M" is for my Mom - & the memories we've shared over the years
"O" is for her Open door - she's always been there for us
"T" is for the Three daughters that she raised (and trained!)
"H" is for how Hectic it usually was when we were growing up (& often still is!)
"E" is for her Elegance - my mom is and always will be, a beautiful woman
"R" is for Remarkable and Rare - my mom has always been an amazing hostess and cook - and warmly welcomes all who enter her beautiful, yet casual, home.

A month or so ago, my friend RM asked my son when Mother's Day was. J just shrugged and said he wasn't sure. R told him that everyday is mother's day - and that everyday he should make his mom feel appreciated and special! That would be nice, I thought - but do I do that often enough for my own mother? My mom who is always there for us - and her grandchildren?

Most of the time my son does make me feel incredibly loved! I can certainly feel his affection - and he still openly and freely expresses it. And, not a day goes by that I do not feel so incredibly blessed that I am now finally a mom (even though rarely a day goes by where I don't feel totally exhausted from parenting and trying to work, commute, run errands, attend nightly activities, cook meals, make lunches, do laundry, and meet everyone's needs - at work and at home). But being this child's mother makes it worth every second!

My husband and I were married on Mother's Day 12 years ago tomorrow. We wanted to keep it a surprise for our parents so we'd invited both families over for a Mother's Day brunch. When they arrived, we told them that we were going to get married (a few mentioned that it was about time!). My dad then asked me when this wedding was going to take place - and R said "in about 10 minutes!" - and that we were just waiting for the minister to arrive. At that point I think my mom panicked and told me she was running home to change -- "I can't wear cotton to a wedding!" she'd exclaimed. Ran home she did, and when she returned, we were married that afternoon in the backyard.

But Mother's Day wasn't always easy for me - especially when it fell just after I'd miscarried - or when I was pregnant with J but experiencing some problems. Wondering if I'd ever have a little person call me "Mommy". But in the year 2000, at the age of 40, I finally celebrated my first Mother's Day with a healthy and beautiful baby boy.

I can't begin to tell anyone how much joy he has brought us - and how much our lives have changed with him in it. On the wall next to our computer is our wedding picture - even at 35 we looked so young and naive! Did parenthood create the onset of balding, bulging, and graying?

Being an older mom isn't without it's challenges. I've been asked by more than one person if I was the child's grandmother.... I cannot wear some of the trendy clothes these young moms are sporting without looking utterly ridiculous. I remember attending a children's event in Vancouver and I was the only mom without a tattoo, or nose or belly button ring! All of my long time friends have older children - young adults or teens. Tonight I found out that LB (my co-worker who is actually 3 months younger than myself) is going to be a grandmother later this year! These days I'm finding that many of my new friends - who have kids my child's age - are at least 10 to 15 years younger than me. Do I fit in? Most of the time, yes, for the most part. I have always had many friends who are older and younger than myself anyway. But it's funny when I look at all the younger moms though - there was no way I was ready to be a parent when I was their age -- or at least a good one. I was still figuring out a lot of things about myself and it's really only now (in my late 30's and 40's) that I've actually accepted who I am. I’m old enough to know that it is better to be older and possess wisdom, confidence and gray hair, than to be young, carefree, and making stupid choices - no matter how much better or younger I may have looked (or felt) back then. Knowing how I was at some of their ages, it really amazes me to see how some of these young moms just seem to have it all together - and so soon! To be truthful, I'm even a tad jealous in that they will likely live to see their future generations and watch them grow up. It also saddens me that my own parents and R's parents may not always be here continuing to be such an important part of our children's lives.

It was a very happy mother's day for me. I watched another exciting baseball game (although we lost to C's team), and I even had a few hours to myself while J went to see a movie with one of his buddy's family. Tonight we went out for an awesome chicken dinner at my mother's. But tonight I feel sadness too - knowing that some of my friends are having a very difficult time today. Three friends have recently lost their mothers since the last mother's day - including D whose young mom just passed away this month. Other friends are going through tough family times and no longer have close relationships with their kids. Another friend lost his wife two years ago when his children were only aged 5, and 10 months old. And I recognize the pain all my friends who have been unable to have children - or who have lost children - feel. Even to this day, I still do not like "parents of toddlers or young children" gatherings where they discuss childbirth, baby wipes, and potty training. And I will never ask a woman if she's going to start a family - or have another baby. Even though I'm a mother today, the hurt and raw emotions can still creep up and take over.

Today we celebrate Mother's day - and take this as an opportunity to honor our moms and the qualities and personalities they have -- or had, and how they've influenced and impacted us to be who we are today. I am thankful for both my mother and my mother-in-law - who both have always been there and have never hesitated to help us when we needed it. And I can only hope and pray my own son will choose have the same relationship with us as we have had with our parents when he grows older too! Happy Mother's Day "Nona" and "Grandma"!

I wish all of you a very happy Mother's Day! L